12:24am:
   Don't cry because it's over;
   smile because it happened.

1:11pm:

LJ Interests meme results

1. candles:
   scented with cinnamon/apples or lavender/sage, or anything earthy. What is it about candles that makes me feel so connected to the earth and elements. I feel connected to the past/my ancestors, to spirits/angels/God and romantic and out of the "everyday experience" as well. Amazing!
2. celtic rock music:
   Love the sound of the pennywhistle, violins/fiddles and bagpipes. I know it's not celtic rock music but have you ever noticed the violin/fiddle in the background of Yellowcard's music. Love it! Love celtic punk rock as well. Flogging Molly St. Patty's Day concert in a couple of weeks!!!
3. faeries:
   Like candles they make me feel connected to my English and Irish ancestors who believed so much in "the little people". They make me think of the earth and it's elements. They remind me of the magical possibilities here on earth. If there are really faeires then there can really be angels and God etc.
4. johnny cash:
   Grew up on his music in the 70's. It's so weird that a new generation of kids enjoy Johnny Cash's music. I guess he just spoke to the tormented soul in everyday man-speak. Johnny Cash could have been your "not-quite-right, ne'er-do-well" uncle who taught you liufe lessons through his mistakes.
5. monty python:
   The funniest stuff ever, a classic! If you like Python then you should watch the old re-reuns of Mystery Science Theater 2000.
6. pink:
   Pink is so sensual and feminine. I hate pink on men though. Sorry but in my book, men should be men and women should be women. It's okay for men to be soft-hearted and gentle and okay for women to be independent and self-sufficient but a man in pink is not sexy to me.
7. sexy faeries:
   Of course, they represent the elements of earth and the passions of living beings. No Disney-fied fairies for me. I want the fae of my ancestors. The fae of the seasons and tides.
8. spaz kitty:
   Something about this local band that I just love! Ska-Punk speaks to the soul. I love their covers of old classics!
9. the ocean:
   Something about the tides and the constancy of the ocean. This same water has been circulating through the earth's biosphere for millions of years. The salt water in the ocean is the basis of most life. Water is so primitive and necessary to life. Since aproximately 1990 I have been infatuated with mermaids and believe that I may have been a mermaid in a previous life.
10. thunderstorms:
    There's just something about the power in a storm. All living beings can sense a storm, just many of us are disconnected from the earth and don't "let" ourselves feel it anymore. It shold be a law that all commercial work should be forced to stop during a thunderstorm and all beings must go outside and commune with this magical water from the heavens. Having rain fall onto your face is a communion with nature and it's forces. This phenomenon can be seen here in Arizona where I live. In the desert, we native desert dwellers stop whatever we are doing an go outside to watch the rain and play in it. It must be because we often go more than 100 days without rain and it always seems like such a miracle for preciuos water to fall from the skies.

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

12:49pm:

How to make a morrigan

Ingredients: 1 part competetiveness 3 parts brilliance 1 part empathy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of wisdom

12:32pm:

12:22pm: Indigo and Crystal Children
http://www.thecrystalchildren.com/crystal.html

 Author, "The Care and Feeding of Indigo Children" and the soon-to-be released, "The Crystal Children" (Hay House, Spring 2003)    

     The first thing most people notice about Crystal Children is their eyes large, penetrating, and wise beyond their years.  Their eyes lock on and hypnotize you, while you realize your soul is being laid bare for the child to see.
  
     Perhaps you've noticed this special new "breed" of children rapidly populating our planet.  They are happy, delightful, and forgiving.  This generation of new lightworkers, roughly ages 0 through 7, are like no previous generation.  Ideal in many ways, they are the pointers for where humanity is headed . . . and it's a good direction!
     
     The older children (approximately age 7 through 25), called "Indigo Children," share some characteristics with The Crystal Children.  Both generations are highly sensitive and psychic, and have important life purposes.  The main difference is their temperament.  Indigos have a warrior spirit, because their collective purpose is to mash down old systems that no longer serve us.  They are here to quash government, educational, and legal systems that lack integrity.  To accomplish this end, they need tempers and firey determination.  
     
     Those adults who resist change and who value conformity may misunderstand the Indigos.  They are often mislabeled with the psychiatric diagnoses of Attention Deficit with Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  Sadly, when they are medicated, The Indigos often lose their beautiful sensitivity, spiritual gifts, and warrior energy.  I wrote about the Indigos at length in my book, The Care and Feeding of Indigo Children and in The Indigo Children, written by Lee Carroll and Jan Tober (both published by Hay House).
     In contrast, The Crystal Children are blissful and even-tempered.  Sure, they may have tantrums occasionally, but these children are largely forgiving and easy-going. The Crystals are the generation who benefit from the Indigos' trailblazing.  First, The Indigo Children lead with a machete, cutting down anything that lacks integrity.  Then The Crystal Children follow the cleared path, into a safer and more secure world.

5:47pm: The Good Saint Valentine

A Brief History of Valentine's Day


In the city of Rome there once lived an emperor named Claudius. He is known in history as Claudius the Cruel.

Near his palace was a beautiful temple where served the priest Valentine. The Romans loved him dearly and assembled into the temple to hear his words. Before the fire that always burned on the altar they knelt to ask his blessing. Rich and poor, wise and ignorant, old and young, noble and common people they all flocked to Valentine.

In the Roman empire wars broke out. Claudius summoned the citizens forth to battle and year after year the fighting continued. Many of the Romans were unwilling to go. The married men did not want to leave their families. The younger men did not wish to leave their sweethearts. The emperor was angry when soldiers were too few. He ordered that no marriages should be celebrated and that all engagements must be broken off immediately.

Many a young Roman went off to the wars in sorrow, leaving his love. Many a Roman maiden died of grief as a result of this decree.

Now the good priest Valentine heard of the emperor's command and was very sad. When a young couple came to the temple, he secretly united them in marriage in front of the sacred altar. Another pair sought his aid and in secret he wedded them. Others came and quietly were married. Valentine was the friend of lovers in every district of Rome.

But, such secrets could not be kept for long. At last word of Valentine's acts reached the palace and Claudius the Cruel was angry, exceedingly angry. He summoned his soldiers. "Go! Take that priest in the temple! Cast him into a dungeon! No man in Rome, priest or not, shall disobey my commands!"

Valentine was dragged from the temple, dragged away from the altar where a young maiden and a Roman youth stood, ready to wed. Off to prison the soldiers took him.

All of Valentine's friends as well as their friends, interceded with Claudius in vane. Well was he named Claudius the Cruel. In a dungeon Valentine languished and died. His devoted friends buried him in the church of St. Praxedes. When you go to Rome you can see the very place. It was the year 270, on the fourteenth of February.

Another story says that Valentine was one of the early Christians in those far-away days when that meant danger and death. For helping some Christian martyrs he was seized, dragged before the prefect of Rome and cast into jail. There he cured the keeper's daughter of blindness. When the cruel emperor learned of this miracle he gave orders that Valentine should be beheaded. The morning of the execution, he is said to have sent the keeper's daughter a farewell message signed, "From your Valentine."

Long years before 270, when Rome was first founded it was surrounded by a wilderness. Great packs of wolves roamed over the countryside. Among their many gods the Romans had one named Lupercus who watched over the shepherds and their flocks. In his honor they held a great feast in February of each year and called it the Lupercalia. The Lupercalia festival was an echo of the days when Rome consisted of a group of shepherd folk that lived on a hill now know as Palantine. On the calendar used back in those days, February came later than it does today, so Lupercalia was a spring festival.

Some believe the festival honored Faunus, who like the Greek Pan, was a god of herds and crops, But the origin of Lupercalia is so ancient that even scholars of the last century before Christ were never sure.

There is no question about its importance. Records show, for instance, that Mark Antony, an important Roman, was master of the Luperci College of Priests. He chose the Lupercalia festival of the year 44 B.C. as the proper time for offering the crown to Julius Caesar.

Each year, on February 15, the Luperci priests gathered on the Palantine at the cave of Lupercal. Here, according to legend, Romulus and Remus, founders of Rome, had been nursed by a mother wolf. In Latin, the word lupus is the word for wolf.

Some of the rituals involved youths of noble birth to run through the streets with goatskin thongs. Young women would crowd the street in the hope of lashing the sacred thongs as it was believed to make them better able to bear children. The goatskin thongs were known as the februa and the lashing the februatio, both coming from a Latin word meaning to purify. The name of the month February come from this meaning.

Long after Rome became a walled city and the seat of a powerful empire, the Lupercalia lived on. When Roman armies invaded what is now France and Britain in the first century before Christ, they took the Lupercalia customs there. One of these is believed to be a lottery where the names of Roman maidens were placed in a box and drawn out by the young men. The girl whose name he drew each man accepted as his love - for a year or longer.

After Christianity was firmly established the priests wanted the people to forget the old heathen gods. But they did not wish to do away with all their feasts and sports. So they kept the Lupercalia and called it Valentine's day.

During the medieval days of chivalry, the names of English maidens and bachelors were put into the box and drawn out in pairs. Each couple exchanged gifts. The girl became the man's valentine for that year. On his sleeve he wore her name and it was his bounded duty to attend and protect her.

This old, old custom of drawing names on the fourteenth of February was considered a good omen for love. It often foretold a wedding. For since the beginning of things this has been lovers' day, a time for loving, for giving and receiving love tokens.

History tells us the first modern valentines date from the early years of the fifteenth century. The young French duke of Orleans, captured at the battle of Agincourt, was kept a prisoner in the Tower of London for many years. To his wife he wrote poem after poem, real valentines. About sixty of them remain. These can be seen among the royal papers in the British Museum.

Flowers as valentines appear nearly two hundred years later. A daughter of Henry IV of France gave a party in honor of St. Valentine. Each lady received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from the man chosen as her valentine.

Thus from Italy and France and England has come the pretty custom of sending our friends loving messages on this day. With flowers, with heart-shaped candies, with lacy valentines whose frills and furbelows hide the initials of the sender we honor the good priest who disobeyed Claudius the Cruel.



Bibliography
American Holidays and Special Days, George and Virginia Schaun, 1986

The Book of Festivals and Holidays the World Over, Marguerite Ickis, 1970

Stories of The World's Holidays, Grace Humphrey, 1924, Reprinted 1990

Hearts, Cupids and Red Roses, The Story of the Valentines Symbols, Edna Barth, 1974

The Valentine & Its Origins, Frank Staff, 1969

1:24pm: Show me the love. Add hugs!






*HUGS* TOTAL!
give httpwwwlivejournalcomusersmorrigan_le_fae more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

11:23am: I actually wrote this.
Visceral Journey

Sweat-covered body intent on its own visceral journey
Sheets moistened by her body
Her panting breaths filled the room
Hands between her thighs exploring her most private parts
She can tell she’s almost there.
“Don’t stop,” says a whispered voice.
Feelings so intense it’s hard to discern if they are pleasure or pain
Crashing over her like ocean waves soaking the sheets beneath her
And then what seems like an explosion of lights and colors
fill her body and her mind.

Orgasm or child birth?

11:18am: This is something I actually wrote.
Emotions

I don’t believe in emotions
Nothing but body chemistry playing tricks on us
She turned thirteen today
Teen-aged hormones are raging, begging to be satisfied
Fasten your seatbelt for a roller coaster ride of emotions
No, not emotions…........just hormones
Jump in! Buckle up! .....for a hormonal roller coaster ride
that will leave her and everyone around her
exhausted and needing an aspirin.
Pregnancy and childbearing: nothing but hormones
Fasten on that seat belt again.
One minute crying uncontrollably over every country western song
Or commercials for long distance phone companies
The next minute she’ll scratch out your eyes
if you leave the cap off the toothpaste
or even look at another female.
Woman: just a mass of flesh cast about by her body’s own chemicals
Like a donor heart being prodded by an electrode,
being kept alive, feeling, beating for someone else’s/something else’s use.
Body chemistry controlling my heart, my hormones thus my “emotions“.
I don’t believe in emotions
Nothing but body chemistry playing tricks on us

Or maybe that’s just the Zoloft talking!

11:35pm: Female Fighters of the SCA
THE LADIES IN THE SCA
(c) copyright 1993 W.J. Bethancourt III
(Tune: "Female Of The Species")

Now the deadly widow spider eats the mate that doesn't flee
As does the preying mantis if she's courted carelessly
Don't be fooled by fragile beauty, for thereby hangs my tale:
That the ladies in the SCA are deadly as the male!

Now, you'll see a lovely lady with a cord of black and red
Court her gingerly and carefully, or else you'll wind up dead!
Don't muck about with Mongols, you're better off in jail!
For the ladies in the SCA are deadly as the male!

Now those frail and frivolous ladies that are with the Cavaliers
Don't be fooled by mere appearance, all is not as it appears
For they carry bodice-daggers in those frills and farthingales!
For the ladies in the SCA are deadly as the male!

In the desert lands of Aten, over all the country-side
Grows a lovely desert flower, worn with fighting female pride
It's the oleander blossom, white as snow and deathly pale!
For the ladies in the SCA are deadly as the male!

See that sweet and fragile lady, see that lissome little miss
Treads the dance with grace and beauty, drops a curtsey, trades a kiss...
And she also puts on armor, lays about with shield and flail!
For the ladies in the SCA are deadly as the male!

There are sharp and shining sabres, there are Viking axes bright,
There are bodice-knives and hatpins, there is poison in the night
But their tongue's their sharpest weapon, over that you can't prevail
For the ladies in the SCA are deadly as the male!

12:20pm: The Viking Birthday Dirge

Shamelessly stolen er...I mean... borrowed from

http://www.silverdragon.com/punkie/cybertusk/viking_birthday_dirge.html

History of the Birthday Dirge
"The (Viking/Barbarian/Mongol/SCA/Fandom) Birthday Dirge" is sung to the first refrain of "The Volga Boatmen," composed by Ilya Yefimovich Repin (1844-1930), Russian painter and composer, born in Chuguyev, considered the outstanding realist of his generation. Yes, he was depressing, even more so than your typical Scandinavian black and white art film. Even if you don't know the tune by name (likely), you surely know it by sound. It's the depressing sounding Russian folk tune that nearly everyone has heard at one time or another. The resounding thud that follows each "Happy Birthday!" is traditionally accompanied by either a "HUHN"-like grunt, or a thump on the table or floor. The sort of groaning grunt that workers lifting heavy loads, marching into a bleak battle, or rowing huge oars might find natural.
The origins are shrouded in mystery. My first exposure to it was in the early 1980's, when it was sung to me backstage during a rehearsal of "The Diary of Anne Frank." I've heard various forms of the tune performed by various organizations (Harvard, fandom, and the SCA). Some sources on the web state that it was started at Harvard University in the 1930's by one of the fraternities, yet other state it wasn't until the early 1970's when there was a resurgeance of artsy and obsuficating forgein films with depressing classical music backdrops. This tune, like "The Ride of the Valkeries and "O Fortuna," was apparently one of the many public domain "stock" musical scores overused to the point of comedy. In either case, it has been popular in some circles because it's:

Not copyrighted, thus no royalty fees (where as the popular "Happy Birthday to You," is copyrighted)
Humorously not standard
Yet takes on the popular ribbing of how aging is a depressing theme
Lyrics
The Dirge is know know in various circles as "The Barbarian Birthday Song", "The Viking Birthday Song", "The SCA Birthday Dirge", and so on. This is a compilation if lyris found about the Internet and my own memory. Most of the time, the song is much shorter, with themes that more match the person being sung to or about. A MIDI file is presented here, for those of you who want to sing along.
THE BIRTHDAY DIRGE
It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Doom and gloom and dark despair
People dying everywhere!
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake.
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, but save the sheep
For your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now you've aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now that you're the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Black Death has just struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Burn, then rape by firelight
Add _romance_ to life tonight
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
We love children, yes we do
Baked or broiled or in a stew
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
This one lesson you must learn
First you pillage, then you burn
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you,
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
We brought linen, white as cloud
The women sit and sew your shroud
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
So far Death you have bypassed
Don't look back, he's gaining fast
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
You must marry very soon
Baby's due by next full moon
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

11:36pm: Medieval Occupation
Your distinct personality, The Dreamer-Minstrel might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You can always see the "Silver Lining" to every dark and dreary cloud. Look at the bright side is your motto and understanding why everything happens for the best is your goal. You are the positive optimist of the world who provides the hope for all humankind. There is nothing so terrible that you can not find some good within it. On the positive side, you are spontaneous, charismatic, idealistic and empathic. On the negative side, you may be a sentimental dreamer who is emotionally impractical. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

http://www.cmi-lmi.com/minstrel.html

4:28pm:

---

---

For Knights and Knaves

1. Milady, after seeing you walk by I have to hammer out the dents in my codpiece.
2. Milady, lets go do things that would get us excommunicated.
3. Guess what I'm hiding under my loincloth?
4. Milady, though art truly a shagable wench.
5. Is thy father a farmer? Because you sure do have some nice melons.
6. Thou art the hottest thing since witch burning!
7. Yes, I am a knight, want to see my lance?
8. I shall ride you like I ride my horse!
9. They say your body is a temple. Art thou conducting services today?
10. Milady, truly you have an ass that just won't quit, and your butt is nice too!

    ---

For Ladies

1. How art thou today? (Guys are easy and some things never change)

---

The Worst Medieval Pickup Lines

1. I just paid your dowry, get your butt on the horse!
2. I'm plague free!

10:54am: The Norse (Some mistakenly call them Vikings) and their enchanted objects
(These are actually my own thoughts. I do have thoughts occasionally. LOL)

 The Norse had many myths about enchanted objects. There was Odin's "Gungir".... a spear or lance made by 4 dwarves. Odin also had the "Draupner" aka the "Ring of Power" also created by dwarves. Wasn't that "Ring of Power"/dwarves idea just used in a movie recently.  LOL Oh wait, my mistake the movie is actually based on an ancient manuscript entitled "The Lord of the Rings."  This lucky Odin also possessed the "Helm of Awe". For some reason my warped,  Monty Python-esque sense of humor pictures a Helm(et) with some Tijuana Taxi type adornments. Maybe a lining of tacky, red, fringed, crushed velvet and on top of the helm a little statue of a chihuahua whose head bobs up and down. Maybe more apporpriate would be.......oh I don't know.........maybe a dragon statue whose head bobs up and down. And of course we would need some pictures of saints hanging from the helm. To top it all off the fighters device could be painted on the helm........ on velvet!  We can't forget that in Norse mythology Alberich had the "Tarnkappe" aka The Cloak of Darkness or the Cloak of Invisibility. Again wasn't this just used in a recent set of big-screen documentaries about students at a school for witchcraft?! Maybe I'm mistaken.

We can't forget about Thor's "Megingjarpar" aka "The Girdle of Might." I may have to get me one of those "Girdles of Might." It would be especially useful the day after Thanksgiving when I've eaten too much. The "Girdle of Might" was paired with a set of Magic Iron Gloves. I believe that at least one of these Magic Iron Gloves is in the possession of Michael Jackson. Maybe "The Gloved One" was hoping that the Magic Glove would make him invincible and even invisible to parents of small children and authorities. He hoped the glove would bring him power and might against the legal system and our country's backwards and prudish dislike for adults who have sexual relationships with children.

Freyr's Skidbladnar was a collapsible ship made by dwarves. (Those dwarves were quite busy. I hope there was a worker's union for them.  I'm sure they used to get really tired building all of these amazing enchanted objects. I picture a terrible sweat shop of little people with a madman standing over them with a small whip shouting, "Forge those Rings of Power, Embellish that Helm of Awe, Sew that Girdle of Might and make it stronger this time. Oprah said that last one didn't even last through a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts you scurrilous dogs!" And what about their short little arms and legs. I bet they got tired really easily.) I guess this fantastical, collapsible ship was the prototype for all of those great "ships in a bottle" one can purchase at tacky tourist shops. Where would the world of knick-knacks be without this technology? Here's to you dwarf makers of enchanted objects!!! This Bud's for you! 

We can't forget the original Viking Bling!!! .....Freyja's Brisingame. A beautiful gold necklace made by none other than 4 dwarves. (Of course it was made by dwarves. By this time they had a great union and if you chose non-union dwarves to build your enchanted objects for you 3 Italian dwarves would come to your keep and bust up the place and make vague threats upon your knee caps unless you used their union dwarves!) The only catch was Freyja had to sleep with each of the 4 dwarves in order to receive the necklace. Geez. this has been going on for ages!! Debutantes and gold-diggers do it all the time. What was the big deal?

9:25am:

10:27am:  Greeting Cards We'll Never See

Following are a set of greeting cards we're not likely to see in a store nearby.

The bold text is on the outside of the card,
the normal text on the inside.

---

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire? I noticed your cat. Sorry!

Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it! She moved in with me.

Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder..
What the heck was I thinking?

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

How could two people as beautiful as you...
Have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, Someone to love. After having met you...
I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life...
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.

Someday I hope to get married...
But not to you.

Happy Birthday, You look great for your age...
Almost Lifelike!

When we were together, You always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

We have been friends for a very long time...
What say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you...
It's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.

Shamelessly borrowed from http://www.gmpiv.com/Humor/Holidays/GreetingCardsWellNeverSee.html

9:44am:

Mattel Releases SCA Barbie and Friends

Mattel spokesperson Baroness Plastique Toise announced today the release of the SCA Barbie line of dolls, toys and accessories. The first batch, which was released today, consists of Barbie (Barbara du Mattel), Kenneth de Faux, Chani and Colleen MacNeil, as well as various horses and playsets.
-------
SCA Barbie (called Barbara du Mattel) with blonde hair and blue eyes, this doll comes dressed in the basic t-tunic, leggings and boots. The Barbara doll is modified - she has flat feet, no arch, and cannot wear heels. Clothing packages include Elizabethan, middle period, early period fop, or Scottish. Accessories include pouch, belt, cloak, hat, gloves, wooden chair, candelabra, feast gear, armor, weapons, and horse with saddle and tack.

Pull her string to hear her say... "What time does court begin?" "Long live the Queen!" "I'm sooooo drunk!" and "Stop looking at HER and pay attention to ME!"
------
Kenneth de Faux comes with blonde hair and blue eyes. He comes dressed in the standard t-tunic, leggings, and boots. The Kenneth doll is modified - he IS anatomically correct, so when he is in Scottish clothing, Barbie can kilt-check him. Clothing packages include Elizabethan, middle period, early period fop, Scottish or Viking. Accessories include pouch, belt, cloak, hat, gloves, wooden chair, candelabra, feast gear, armor, weapons, and horse with saddle and tack.

Pull his string to hear him say... "What time does fighting begin?" "Long live the King!" "Here, drink this. It will save your life!" and "Who's that girl over there?"
-----
Dark-haired and dark-eyed Chani comes dressed in a basic belly- dancing outfit (with accessories...veils, cap, shoes, coin-metal belts and bras and headpieces, etc.) with options for Mongolian, Chinese, Japanese, Elizabethan, Turkish and other Middle Eastern garb. She has drums, cymbals, pouch, belt, cloak, hat, gloves, wooden chair, candelabra, feast gear, armor, weapons, chirurgeon's kit, and horse with saddle and tack.

Pull her string and hear her shriek out Xena's war cry or say "Which way to Schadenfreude's party?" "You drummers come back here! It's not time to quit yet!" "A cloven fruit? For me?" and "Maybe next time, big boy."
------
Red-haired and green-eyed Colleen MacNeil comes dressed in a basic t-tunic, leggings, and boots. Clothing packages include Elizabethan, middle period, early period fop, Scottish, Irish, Welsh or Viking. Accessories include pouch, belt, cloak, hat, gloves, wooden chair, candelabra, feast gear, armor, weapons, waterbearing equipment, and horse with saddle and tack.

Pull her string and hear her say "Now, wasn't I just tellin' ye that?" "Slainte!" "Long live the Queen!" and "Water? Oranges? Gatorade? Me?"
------
A variety of horse packages are also available, complete with saddle, tack, blanket, trough, feed sack, blinders, etc.

A variety of weapons packages are also available, including:

The Catapult Sets (manually-operated and counterweight-operated, complete with catapult, rocks and rock baskets).
The Trebuchet Set (complete with trebuchet and logs).
The Siege Tower Set.
The Battering Ram Set.
The Viking Warship Set (complete with drums, sails, rope, dock [with barrels, crates, nets] and seagulls).

Accessory Sets:

The Camping Accessory Set (complete with tents, feast gear, chairs, tables, fire pit, firewood, kegs and water barrels, latrines, shade pavillions, candelabra, candles, lanterns, aric wall [black or white], fire extinguishers, food, ice chests [with period covers, of course], and cloven fruit).
The Wagon Accessory Set (complete with wagon and tow bar to attach to your horses or dragon).
The Waterbearer's Accessory Set (complete with bottles, slings, tubing, oranges, pickles, extra cigarettes and lighters, duct tape, scissors, towels, cameras and sashes).
The Chirurgeon's Accessory Set (complete with medical supplies, stretcher, walkie talkies and sashes).
The Marshal's Accessory Set (complete with marshal sticks, walkie talkies, measuring tools, whistles and sashes).
The Autocrat's Accessory Set (complete with walkie talkies, golf cart, sashes, a chair to collapse into, and alcohol and aspirin).
The Exotic Party Games Accessory Set (complete with cloven fruit, alcohol, condoms, lotions and potions, whipped cream and strawberries).
The Archer's Accessory Set (complete with bows, arrows, quivers, hay bales and targets).
The Rapier Fighter's Accessory Set (complete with rapiers, daggers, cloak, small shield, helm, gorget, cup and supporter, gloves, foofy hat, feathers and nice clothing).
The Hardsuit Fighter's Accessory Set (complete with armor, weapons, shields, duct tape, tabards, elbow and knee pads, kidney belt, cup and supporter, gorget, gauntlets, gloves, demigauntlets, leather working kit, and extra basket hilts).
The Nobles and Peers Accessory Sets (complete with crowns, thrones, pretty colored belts, nice clothing and numerous servants, spurs where appropriate).
The Herald's Accessory Set (comes with scrolls [both finished and unfinished], medallions, gifts, tabards and glass of water).
The Mercenary's Accessory Set (comes with tent, bedroll, armor, weapons, alcohol, cloven fruit and condoms). [There is NOTHING else missing from this kit, so please do not write to us asking where the rest of the set is.]
The Sheriff's Accessory Set (comes with stocks and rope).
Scenario Sets:

The War Scenario Set (complete with battle pit, redoubts, castle, bridge, chirurgeon's point with medical supplies, marshal's point, hay bales, emergency evac helicopter and ambulances, portajohns and cleaning trucks, shower trucks, rope roads, troll booth, site tokens, kid's corner, marshal sticks, walkie talkies, garbage barrels, golf carts, cell phones and court pavillions). You must provide your own rain, mud, blowing dust, grass, pollen and parking lot.
The Archery Scenario Set (complete with hay bales, targets and aric wall).
The Tournament Scenario Set (complete with aric walls, list table and pavillion, marshal sticks, walkie talkies, extra weapons and shields, water table with coolers, etc.).
The Court Scenario Set (complete with thrones, pavillions, chairs, banners, scrolls [both finished and unfinished], swords for the court members behind the thrones, tabards, cushions for kneeling upon).
The Executioner's Scenario Set (complete with stocks, axe, chopping block, head-catching basket, hangman's noose and beam, clean-up rags and black mask).
Other dolls and sets will be released periodically over the next year, Baroness Plastique said.

Stay tuned!

Shamelessly stolen from Genevieve of Ravenhall from http://www.gmpiv.com/Humor/Medieval_SCA/SCABarbie.html

 

10:57pm: Children's Books You'll Never See
These were from a Washington Post contest:

"You Were an Accident" (Jean Sorensen, Herndon; Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

"Strangers Have the Best Candy" (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched" (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

"Some Kittens Can Fly!" (David Genser, Arlington)

"The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion" (David Genser, Arlington)

"How to Dress Sexy for Grownups" (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face" (Thomas Drucker, Carlisle, Pa.)

"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?" (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

"Where's Godot?" (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

"Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her" (David Genser, Arlington)

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!" (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

"All Dogs Go to Hell" (Joseph Romm, Washington)

"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking" (Joseph Romm, Washington)

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It" (Barry
Blyveis, Columbia)

"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia" (John Kammer, Herndon)

"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?" (Kenneth Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?" (Martin Keutel, Alexandria)

"Bi-Curious George" (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry" (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver" (Russ Beland, Springfield)

"You Are Different and That's Bad" (Christopher Springfield)

6:26pm: Get a new name and title!!

 

My new name:

 

You shall henceforth be known as:

 

The Goddess of Wee Ceramic Kittens, Morrigan le Fae

 

aka

 

 The Attache of Naughty Bits, Morrigan le Fae

 

aka

 

The Queen of Furry Wilderness Creatures, Morrigan le Fae

 

aka

 

The Maharani of Amnesia, Jedi Master Morrigan le Fae

 

aka

 

The Sorceress of the Ministry of Road Pylons, Morrigan le Lemay XIII

 

You too can get your own impressive title and name at:

 

http://title.flywheel.org/generator

5:58pm: Peep Henge

You have to check out this funny site. It's a complete Stonehenge built out of marshmallow peeps! Go to:

http://www.lordofthepeeps.com/peephenge/peephenge.html

7:04am: To generate a new Goth name for yourself you definitely need to go to:


http://www.necroticobsession.com/gothname.html

I inserted all of the typical WASP ish popular names like Lindsay, Chelsea and Brittany and got Liquid Vamp, Angel Fire and Violent Beauty.

6:50am: The Hair Color Changing Spell

At the full of the Moon, assemble yourself in a secret place - preferably near a good source of running water. You should be skyclad, or if you must wear robes, wear old ones that you do not mind having ruined.

Ground and center.

Cast a circle by walking 3 times around your magickal space. Clockwise for a ligher shade, counterclockwise for a darker. Call upon the elements.

Light an incense of henna, maidenhair fern, meadowsweet and lady's bedstraw.

Invoke the goddess Friznat:

"Oh Friznat, you who bring bad hair days,
Or or in your mercy, keep them away.
I call upon thee and invoke thee,
Oh you, who walk this earth, seeking your consort Mopidu,
And creating the snarls and tribulations for human kind,
Look kindly down upon me.
May I never tangle, may I never frizz,
May spilt ends be ended completely.
Oh Lady, I beseech thee.
So Mote it Be." *

Throw a rubber band or a hair ribbon into your cauldron, and burn it in offering.

Take up an whole unblemished Grade A extra large egg. Walk to each quarter and hold the egg up toward the directions, saying the following, depending on the element:

Water: "May my hair be moist and nourished."
Air: "May my hair flow smoothly back, when ruffled by a breeze."
Fire: "May the fiery sun not bleach the color too swiftly."
Earth: "May I make lots of money so that I can get a real hair dresser and not rely upon silly spells."

Return to center. Crack the egg upon your forehead. catch the yolk, and separate it out from the white, using your fingers much like a collander. Smear the yolk into your hair. Say, "May beauty enter my life." Try to avoid slipping on the spilled egg white.

Now open the box of hair coloring essence that you bought at WalMart and apply it according to the directions on the label. As you do so, chant the name of the color you want your hair to become. Remember that if you have not done a pre-test and break out in a horrid rash, neither I nor the goddess Friznat are responsible.

Wait the appropriate time, meditating upon how lovely you will look with your new color.

Rinse your hair and apply the conditioner that came in the package.

Walk 3 times around your ritual space, again, clockwise for light hair, counterclockwise for dark. Thank Friznat for her caring and mercy. Thank the elements and release them. Release the circle.

The rite is done. Your hair has now shifted in color. This is REAL magick people! it is PROVEN to WORK in medical STUDIES!!!!

*A special note: If you wish to truly receive Friznat's blessings, purchase a stapler (yes, the thing that you use to staple papers together) and bury it near a riverbank. A caution: if you do this during a tuesday when it is full moon, or on a thursday if mercury is retrograde and the sun is in Libra, this will only invoke Friznat's ire. In this case, to spare yourself of her wrath, you must also give her a bottle of hair conditioner. Preferably the expensive kind - Friznat hates those cheap conditioners.

9:21pm: <font color="morrigan le fae"> <b>morrigan le fae</b> </font>

11:07pm:

 

 

I have a dream: That all humans will practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

11:00pm:

Isn't she so cute?!

I adopted a cute lil' fairy fetus from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!